I woke this morning feeling a bit tender. It's Mother's Day here in the states and as I got out of bed to face the day, I was hit with an unexpected wave of sadness at not having had children.
This isn't the first time I've felt this way. There have been other times, on and off over the last few years especially, when something happened and I came face-to-face with feelings of regret.
I remember once flying home from a business trip and being blindsided by grief. I was watching a young dad care for his infant son. He held him close to his chest, rocked him side-to-side as he walked up and down the aisle, and whispered sweet words into his son's ear. When I saw the little boy reach up and touch his dad's face, I felt the pain of loss wash over me. I knew I'd never have that special experience.
While Michael and I consciously made the choice not to have children, we certainly have questioned our decision over the years. But that's what we all do. We make big, life-altering decisions, move forward with our plans, and often end up questioning ourselves the moment we experience regret.
But regret is normal.
Life is full of regrets.
And while I can't change the past, I can use regret as an invitation to heal.
So, rather than wallow in the pain of what could have been, I made a point of being gentle and loving with myself today - just like a good mother would.
I went for a long walk in the sunshine.
I wrote for a while about how I was feeling.
I surrounded myself with strong Mother energy - the women on my "Spiritual Board of Directors" here...
And by the end of the day I returned to a peaceful place. It's amazing what good mothering will do. Happy Mother's Day to those of you who share your love so freely - remember to be a good mother to yourself, too!
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The loving mother instinct is alive and well in this week's video. You can watch it here. Thanks, Michelle!