These days I feel like I’m getting a Masters degree in dealing with grief and loss, and I hope I’m not depressing you. It’s just that right now I can’t pretend that everything’s okay. Because it’s not.
Yesterday, during a break from the nonstop snowstorms here in the Northeast, I strapped on snowshoes and went outside for a walk. As I trudged through the powdery, fresh snow, I made a spontaneous decision to dedicate my walk to forgiveness.
Yesterday, after a long walk on a cold, windy day here in Toronto, I did something kind for myself. I was sitting in my hotel room, answering email and finishing up some work, when I looked over at the end of the bed and noticed the sun had cast a pool of light across the comforter.
This morning I had a beautiful experience. I’d just finished watching TV when I decided to get up, put my teacup in the sink, and start the day. I walked to the window to look out over the reservoir behind my home, and just as I did, I saw two white swans lift up off the water.
The funny thing about being yourself is that you have to lose your self-consciousness – the habit of judging yourself – in order to do it. You need to become so immersed in the moment and within yourself, that you begin to channel your pure creative spirit.
I hate being disappointed. There's nothing worse than getting your hopes up only to have them squelched when something doesn't turn out the way you plan. And that's precisely why I hate to disappoint others. Over the years I've watched myself go on autopilot when someone asks for a favor, saying "yes" when I know in my gut that I'd rather not do it. Or I've suffered, spending too much time trying to come up with a graceful way to let someone down so they wouldn't feel hurt or angry at my "no."