You do have free will. I gave it to you. You could say I gave you the world, and that the world is illusion.
So you might say I gave you the illusion of free will and not free will
really. You might say free will is a myth, perhaps a come-on.
If you never had hurt feelings, you would love unconditionally. It is thoughts about yourself that prevent you from loving with your whole heart. You believe that someone loves you one minute and not the next, and so conditions are born, and you respond accordingly. You believe that love can be withdrawn, and so you withdraw.
Consider your heart like a fish with gills that swims. How smoothly
the fish goes through the water! It is as light as a bird in the water.
Nothing blocks the fish. He just keeps swimming and swimming and goes
where he wills. The fish loves swimming, and the fish flaps its wings,
as it were, and takes flight in the water. The fish soars.