Friendship, Love & Boundaries

I love you. I trust you. I will be here for you when you are hurting, and when I am hurting I will not leave. ~ Taken from a vow renewal ceremony

I have been faced recently with some dear friends and family members that have been going through very difficult challenges in their lives. As a counselor, it is my nature to help and as a friend it is my nature to care. As an empath, it has sometimes been difficult to tolerate the negative emotional and physical energetic that surrounds these folks.

I have pondered this and realized there seem to be two types of individuals in this regard. There are those that ARE in pain but doing their best to be awake and to walk through it as effectively as possible. They give a shout out when they need it and are pull in when they need to be quiet. In other words, they are doing their best to take care of their needs and be responsible about their own situation. They talk to me about their “stuff” but do not look to me to fix or solve it for them. They usually do the best and move through their challenges the quickest and with the most grace I have found.

The second type of folks talk about their situation incessantly but if I offer any type of suggestion to them about how to correct it they get evasive or angry at me. They are “stuck” but they do not seem to take any steps to move forward. Every misfortune that comes their way pushes them further into victimhood and a “why me?” mentality. Their problems become an addiction or crutch, similar to alcohol or a drug. It clouds their reality on many levels, obscuring the good that is present in their lives. At times I have found that while people are in such a negative spiral I have had to keep a physical distance from them, while still including them in my daily prayer and dedication work.

I found that when I would speak up to these folks about their negativity, I would feel slightly guilty, like perhaps I was adding “insult to injury” as they say. A wise friend recently told me that I was acting as a true friend by speaking my truth to them and alerting them to their behaviors. I was surprised that the person in question was able to hear me and really take in what I said. When we speak now she goes into much LESS negativity which is wonderful. It was a wonderful learning lesson that as I practiced self-love and kept healthy boundaries for myself, it opened the space for others to do the same. Like the quote at the beginning of this piece, I still held a place of love for them and did not abandon them and viola! More miracles.

Bright Blessings to you today fine readers.

Rev. Irma Kaye Sawyer

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Rev. Irma Kaye Sawyer

Rev. Irma Kaye Sawyer is an akashic records reader, interfaith minister, intuitive counselor, energy healing practitioner and writer. She currently resides in Laguna Hills, California. Irma has been involved in the holistic healing arts community as a practitioner and teacher since 1992.

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