Some time ago, I went to spend the weekend with my dear friend, who is married, with a young child. She is living the type of life that I had always dreamed of having. I saw she had all the things I had missed out on. I felt angry with God for never giving to me the one thing I really, really wanted. It hit me suddenly that I no longer wanted or needed that type of life. I was overcome with such intense sorrow for the loss of my dream. I went to bed feeling the pain and the disappointment. I cried until I had no more tears left to shed. I sobbed huge uncontrollable tears for a life I never got to live. I surrendered the illusions and the regrets. I mourned the loss and I experienced the huge wound inside of me.
By allowing myself to feel the pain and process the regret I was able to come to terms with the loss once and for all and begin to heal. I was then able to feel gratitude for what I do have and what God has given me. In the process of letting go I was capable of feeling happy for my friend for having the kind of life I had always wished for her and the things I knew she deserved to have. I also realized that perhaps the life I have is more suited for who I am. I had to shatter the illusions of what the dream was and let go of what could never be. I came to a place of acceptance deep inside of me. It was a huge turning point in my life. It shifted me energetically to the present and away from the past. I let go of a lot of baggage that I had been carrying.
I work with young woman that are eager to get married and start a family. Their biological clocks are ticking and they have the perception of how they want their life to go. Perhaps things will turn out just the way they plan. Maybe they will get all they need from having the status of being married and having babies. Possibly that will be all that they ever need. I only wish the best for them, their life to be one smooth, straight road, filled with all that they dream it to be. Indeed I've been alive long enough to know that life doesn't necessarily go the way we plan it to. There are usually lots of hidden twists and unsuspected turns and sudden blessings in disguise. Many of the bumps in the road provide unlimited opportunities for us to grow in wisdom, strength and courage.
I wonder how many of us get caught up in the illusion of what is expected of us. It seems that we form a picture in our minds of what our life "should" be like and when it doesn't live up to our expectations we are disappointed. We fail to take into account what our Soul's life plan may be for us. We are in constant commune with our Higher Self and God. We have planning sessions in our sleep. We are not meek, weak, helpless human beings that have no say in what happens in our life.
I don't choose to see God as some white bearded man sitting on a throne passing out this blessing to this person, because they've been good and punishing that one because He doesn't feel they deserve it. From our limited perspective we don't see the big picture. In essence, we choose the experiences we need in order for our Soul to flourish, grow and heal. We are placed in the situations we need to be in, in order to achieve our dreams. The dreams aren't necessarily from a 3-D human perspective but a higher God-ly one.
I think it's important to have dreams, hopes and aspirations. When we follow our passion we usually excel and succeed. It seems that we get into trouble when we put all of our worth and value into having our dreams come true, because when things don't go the way we plan, we are left feeling faithless and disappointed. I have discovered the best gifts have come to me from sources that I never expected or would have dreamed of. I also found that there were many opportunities that I let pass me by because they weren't what I was hoping for or fit my perceptions of what I thought I wanted. My biggest regrets in life are the opportunities that I discarded. I missed chances to get to know someone or do something because they/it didn't meet up to my expectations and standards, allowing my fears to control my ability to take a risk or just being unconscious and unaware of the blessings being offered to me.
Dreams come true in ways we never suspected. When we stop placing limitations on things and start coloring outside of the lines we get to explore and experience the real juicy stuff. What's so great anyway, with having what society deems to be a socially acceptable life unless it is filled with colorful experiences that shape our life with love, happiness and abundance?! There is no need to limit ourselves!
Once I woke up from my illusions, I realized I was, in fact, a colorful person. I always tried to fit into what I thought society expected of me, and I felt as if I always fell short. I realized even though I thought I wanted the cookie cutter life, the cookie cutter life wasn't really for me! I felt like I went from a black and white movie into full living color. What an amazing awakening to realize that actually being myself was far better than what I could have dreamed of!
I realized that happiness doesn't happen once your dreams come true. Happiness and contentment is what we are creating through our experiences in this moment. Our happiness isn't dependent on when we find the perfect mate, make enough money, when we have a child or our child grows up. Not to say any of these things are either good or bad, our hopes, dreams and wishes are indeed important. We deserve wonderful things! It's just that once we make room for God to weave magic into our lives we get far more than we could have ever hoped for!
I have been told that I am quite "unique". I now take that as a compliment. As the Rolling Stones sing, you can't always get what you want, but you get what you need!
Prayer - Hopes, Wishes & Dreams
In your infinite wisdom and your ever abiding presence I make room for you to weave miracles in my life. I release my expectations of the way things ought to be. I know I only see such a small part of the big picture.
I have hopes, wishes and dreams that I hold deep within my heart. You know what they are. The wish I made upon that star, I know you heard me! You remember that daydream I was having, yeah; I really want that to happen! I really hope things turn out the way I wish them to!
God, I trust that as I release control of making things happen and go with the flow, I will be surprised at how easily and naturally things in my life will unfold.
I am open for so much happiness. I make room for even more love. I accept the abundance pouring forth from the Universe in all ways.
I accept the blessings You offer me.
Thank you for giving me what I need.
And so it is.