Spiritual Shaming is the New Black

Have you had someone accuse you of ‘not being spiritual’ because you would not give them advice or support when they asked for it? Or have they suggested that you were being spiritually selfish because you said ‘no’ to their request for your time, energy, and efforts? It has happened to me too and it makes me laugh, although I think it’s very inappropriate, especially among the spiritual community, because it’s a judgment that no one can make and it is a negative reflection on the accuser, not you. Spiritual shaming is the new black and it’s all about your energy boundaries. It’s a form of manipulation which implies that your spiritual connection, talents, and abilities are in question if you do not use them in the way someone thinks you should or expects you to.

It’s our natural response to look for advice and support from people we think have it all together or who are not struggling like we are (although appearances can be deceiving). We want what they have (or what we think they have) and for it to feel good and remove the chaos and anxiety energy we are in. And we’re desperate. So if they do not give it to us we feel betrayed and angry. Of course, we expect this behavior from a two-year-old, we do not expect it from other adults and certainly not those who call themselves spiritual teachers, mentors, and guides. And yet it is happening very frequently now even though it is a strong judgment and it’s just plain wrong.

First of all, no one can call your level of spiritual connection or spirituality into question because they have no way of knowing and there is no ‘spiritual standard’. Whatever spiritual connection, ability, or power you have is between you and Source and no one else.

Second, how is it possible for someone to accuse you of not being spiritual just because you are not giving them what they want? I am going to coin a new phrase to explain this behavior, being a ‘spiritual brat’. In a recent interaction, after I declined to give someone free business advice and instead, told them that this would be explained in my upcoming business program which they were invited to participate in, I was accused of not being spiritual. And here is the manipulation part, they said that their ‘higher self-guided them to ask me for advice.’ So I replied that I hoped their higher self-guided them to take my business program. And as far as I was concerned the conversation was over.

Not only was it an imposition on my time, there was no exchange here, nothing was offered to me in exchange for this information. I do have a very successful business which I run very well because I have 25 years of corporate experience, 4 business degrees, and 15 years of experience running my business. I spent time and effort learning how to do this and I am committed to helping others but not when it is expected of me and demanded from me through spiritual manipulation and then, when I say no, through spiritual shaming.

A curious aspect of our 3D/5D integration is being self-empowered and that is an extension of our energy boundaries and our energetic sovereignty. If we have been leaking energy, giving our power away, or allowing our value to be determined by others, then we are an open target for blame, shame, guilt, and manipulation. The 5D energy will uncover those areas of our life and give us the tools to make some changes. That may not make us popular with some people, but it will bring more balance and integrity with our own energy into our lives.

There is a difference between being spiritual and being ‘nice’. You can be nice and be spiritual, but that also depends on how the word ‘nice’ is defined. To some people, it means to do what they want. I prefer to define nice as being considerate, respectful, observant, and committed. But that doesn’t include doing whatever others want me to do, without regard for my time, energy, and other commitments. How do you define ‘being nice’?

What do you do when someone shames you and accuses you of not being spiritual? Do you feel bad and give them what they want or do you realize what is happening and acknowledge your value and that you are under no obligation to give away your advice, talents, abilities, and experience to anyone who asks you for it? If you do it once you will do it for everyone and that can soon eat away at your time and productivity, not to mention your self-esteem and confidence.

You will resent the people who impose on your time and energy in this way and you will resent yourself for not having clear energy boundaries. And that is what this is, an energy boundary issue.

You are probably intuitive enough, as I am, to recognize the difference between the people who have a genuine need in that moment and those who are simply trying to get information from you. I do share a lot but I get to determine what I share and do not share. And I do not respond well to manipulation, intimidation, or spiritual shaming, and neither should you.

How do you manage your energy boundaries to create energetic balance and avoid being manipulated by spiritual shaming? Here are some guidelines:

  1. Recognize your energy boundaries and don’t let yourself fall into the trap of manipulation or spiritual shaming. You are a wonderful, talented, fabulous person who deserves to be respected and valued for who you are and what you do.
  2. Be clear about what you will share with others and what falls outside of that boundary. That way when you do say no you can steer people towards an option that will respond to their question without you oversharing, overgiving, or not being compensated for your time, efforts, and energy.
  3. Don’t let others dictate your self-worth or self-confidence. Someone’s judgment of you is no more than their opinion and when it is stated in anger or fear it probably won’t be very good but that is their issue, not yours. Have your own energy boundaries about who you are and what you deserve, and make them iron clad and Teflon coated so they don’t get blown apart every time someone is angry with you because you are not doing what they want you to do.
  4. Make your ‘no’ firm and not subject to discussion and do it for everyone. If you are afraid that people won’t like you if you say no, then you will say yes to everyone, even when you don’t want to. Be firm when you say no, again this is about energy boundaries, and make it stick. You can’t say no one day and yes the next, then you do not look serious. You know you must be consistent with everyone or they won’t take you seriously.
  5. Respect yourself enough to value your time, energy, talents, and abilities. What did it take for you to get where you are today? Probably quite a lot. Respect yourself by honoring your own path and if you do not want to do something, don’t do it. You do not owe anyone a long explanation, a simple ‘no’ is sufficient, or you could say ‘not right now’ and suggest a more convenient date or time, or ‘I have a program that provides a solution for you’ issue and give them the website URL.

Finally, ask yourself this important question, “If I say yes am I going to resent myself or regret it?” If the answer to that question is yes then say no. You will ultimately feel more respected, more appreciated, and more valued when you recognize your own energetic sovereignty and learn how to control your energy flows. It’s better to have someone try to spiritually shame you than to feel taken advantage of, disrespected, and angry with yourself at not being able to say ‘no’ when you want and need to.

It’s unfortunate that spiritual shaming is a response from people who should know better by virtue of who they say they are but these are challenging times and everyone is feeling a little off. I would never tell someone they were not spiritual, no matter what they were doing because that simply is not my call and I cannot possibly know what their level of spirituality is. But I also don’t get too distracted by someone who tries to shame me spiritually because I know that it is a mirror of their own energy and not a barometer of mine. And those people are quickly reminded of my energy boundaries and shown the door because we all get to control who is part of our energy field and only those people who can ‘love, honor, and respect us’ need to be included in that place.

Be aware of your own energy, where you want it to flow, and how you want to interact with others and them with you. Don’t be afraid to say ‘no’ when it’s appropriate for you and if you are spiritually shamed for your response, just smile and know that as long as you ‘love, honor, and respect’ yourself that is all that matters.


Yamarys 26th April 2017 10:03 am

Thank you for this post. It is... mind opening. It reminds me of the parable in the bible about the 5 wise virgins and the 5 foolish virgins. I had never really understood that parable and I thought maybe it wasn't too "nice" of the wise virgins to not want to share their oil with the others because my mind had been poisoned since very young into believing that the right thing was to always share and one to give everything up. Your words shed new light for me in this matter and somehow I feel it's what that parable was about. Thanks again! Much blessings to you!

Yamarys 26th April 2017 10:03 am

Thank you for this post. It is... mind opening. It reminds me of the parable in the bible about the 5 wise virgins and the 5 foolish virgins. I had never really understood that parable and I thought maybe it wasn't too "nice" of the wise virgins to not want to share their oil with the others because my mind had been poisoned since very young into believing that the right thing was to always share and one to give everything up. Your words shed new light for me in this matter and somehow I feel it's what that parable was about. Thanks again! Much blessings to you!

kathykirk11@yah... 26th April 2017 11:52 am

I appreciate your post as well. I had this experience last December. I was invited to a group of spiritual people doing various types of spiritual work. I was invited to share what I did. Within my comments I poked someone's buttons (around politics). She phone me the next day and left a message saying it would be good for us to talk and resolve the issue. I was completely unaware there was an issue, I didn't have anything to resolve. I called her back and realized she was expecting me to apologize for my comments and make her feel better. Ultimately when I realized this, I told her, that I was sorry she was in pain but that I wasn't going to apologize. If I could help her deal with her issue, I was available, of course. She responded with, "And you think you're spiritual?" It was a very illuminating and empowering moment for me. I let her have her feelings and did not try to fix anything or make her feel better. That was a first for me. This year I was easily able to allow my son to move through his journey without trying to fix it and without apologizing to him for not 'saving' him

Barbs2 26th April 2017 5:25 pm

Thank you for your advice that you always need to honour and respect yourself. That is advice that I need to remember.

GAF 26th April 2017 6:10 pm

Honoring self and setting boundaries is always good and Self could stand to be your top priority.

But also nice story about how Spiritual Brat meets Spiritual Commerce - issues runneth rampant.


devidonna 30th April 2017 11:43 pm

Good solid advice but 'spiritual brat' sounds like spiritual shaming to me.

Rayofhelios 2nd May 2017 10:41 am

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Rayofhelios 2nd May 2017 11:35 am

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GAF 2nd May 2017 2:59 pm

LOL... to setting boundaries and the implied, "... but we didn't mean with US." LOL

As you know, I am a very direct communicator. Well, someone tried to use my direct style hoping to sic me on someone else who kept pushing their buttons. I'd seen the whole thing play out. I told them this person didn't bother me and if they were bothered they were the one to speak up. Oops. Backfire.

I certainly don't think shining one's light and setting boundaries doesn't have consequences. I CHOOSE those consequences rather than the alternative - self enslavement to disempowerment. You make it sound like the consequences of shining one's light are "bad" consequences...

... then you speak of the 2nd of The Four Agreements. See the inner conflict?

Just set your intentions to DODGE THE OTHER'S ARROWS. Their arrows are not about you. Oh, they may sometimes get prompted / triggered by your light, but it's still theirs and not about you, even if THEY think it's about you. You KNOW better.

And hallelujah to all else you've said... especially that self-compassion part.

GAF 2nd May 2017 3:44 pm

Rayofhelios, it goes something like this. Feel free to improvise. :)


Rayofhelios 2nd May 2017 4:27 pm

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Rayofhelios 2nd May 2017 4:41 pm

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Rayofhelios 2nd May 2017 5:19 pm

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GAF 2nd May 2017 5:40 pm

Yeah, you're getting it all covered, both in how you're communicating all of this and also in experiencing it. If I may (and even if I don't may, ;-) lol), let's look at your current sitchiation, like a movie, ya know, most movies do not cover some character's entire life, it's just a snapshot of some particular "moment" / experience in their life.

First, you get the whole shining your light and setting boundaries and have tapped into the courage to live that.
Then, you know there's a good chance of the other's darkness lashing out at your light. You accept that.
Now, Life and the Divine are poking at you to not make yours what is not yours.

Yes, practice (makes "permanent" as an instructor used to say, ha!), but start with Intention. Come on, you're at the point where you know you don't care to take on someone else's burdens, so set your Intention. Wholeheartedly. That's Step 1. ;-)

Report on my desk in the morning? LOL

Ain't no one can limbo lower than Neo!

Rayofhelios 2nd May 2017 6:24 pm

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GAF 2nd May 2017 7:42 pm

I used to say, "Change can happen in a moment, a heartbeat, a breath" and a friend of mine would finish with, "... but resistance can last forever."

And... I ran across a nurses' site somewhere... something to do with "Support nurses. We're the ones who keep your doctor from killing you." lol

GAF 3rd May 2017 4:20 am

And Jennifer, if you're actually reading this, feel free to come to my blog and use my DONATE button for all the services I've performed FOR YOU!


Rayofhelios 3rd May 2017 2:13 pm

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GAF 3rd May 2017 11:28 pm

*blushing* Why thank you. Big ones, eh? lol

Yeah, I know, always pushing others onward and upward towards their "potential", which, yep involves letting go of petty monetary "worries" (worry is a prayer for what you don't want) and the whole "tit for tat" thing, as if the "energy exchange" that so many "lightworkers" so love to go on about has to come from the exact same person that ya gave the wisdom out to. Ah, hello, McFly. Another case of "Those who can't, teach." Yep, on carpet called. Enough with all this asinine pretentiousness. Isn't it high time that all the lightworker rubber meet the road & some of these "celebrity lightworkers" actually STEP UP & quit playing around?!

What part of "Trust in the Divine, It's got your back and will look out for you" OR "What goes around comes around" don't some of these folks understand? What? Like if the Spiritual Commerce Vendor actually, eee gad, GAVE AWAY a tiny tidbit of wisdom or two, ya know DIVINE wisdom, to the Spiritual Brat, that the Divine would suddenly just quit looking out for the Spiritual Commerce Vendor. Really?

GAF 4th May 2017 12:11 am

Yeah, "celebrity lightworkers" who fancy themselves to be quite the spiritual "leaders" ("teachers" maybe, leaders? not so much) who must be paid for every second of their time and every ounce of their effort and just keep going around spewing dogmatic, disempowering b.s. ("belief system")... then asking to be paid for it. *shaking head* Talk about audacity.

Enough already!

Yeah sure, certainly lessons to be learned in some of that... but ones that these folks have been parked at for many, many years. Move on.

From someone without whom you may not even still be here - Dear celebrity lightworkers, please pull your head up out of your bank account ledger long enough to REALLY take in a FAR MORE expanded view of this ASCENSION PROJECT and GIVE YOURSELF OVER TO THE DIVINE AND DO AND BE ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING THAT THE DIVINE IS ASKING OF YOU and for goodness sakes KNOW that you are and will continue to be taken care of... even if that means in ways that are not to which you are accustomed. Not the time to be half-*ssed about anything. Not the time to be paying lip service, but truly stepping up.

Hillary Harris 6th May 2017 5:31 pm

Thank you for this article! This has happened to me. Some e-mail me asking about my offerings. When I send information with fees, they attack - spiritually shaming me. One claimed THEY were told by Spirit that I was NOT authentic because she did not like my fees. At first it really bothered me. Then I realized where it was coming from. Two things about this:

1) I have been in business sharing my messages, digging deep at tremendously challenging levels to serve for 20+ years. I know who I am, what I offer and charge a healthy fee - but fair. If someone is not willing to invest in themselves to partner with me, fine, keep it to yourself - no need to attack. I honor your choice so please don't judge mine.

2)The Internet has developed a culture of (sorry) whiners who expect 'free' time and serivces. Scarcity marketing has taught that we MUST 'give away to get'. (I already give so much.) This leads to expectation and wanting more instead of balance, reciprocity and honoring. And it perpetuates that 'spiritual lack' mentality that disempowers our Truth as Divinely Abundant beings.


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