The Residue of Responsibility

Each and everyday you are given pebbles of worry.  Whether real or illusionary they land in your body as solid granules of confusion and pain.  They sit heavy and you feel less buoyant and denser.  Everyday you go forth and you collect more of these pebbles of worry and confusion allowing them to collect in the body anchoring you like a rusty anchor on a sunken pirate’s ship.  You blindly walk through the passageways of your life entering each door, and each situation without joy only an anxiety.

You were all told as a child to grow up and become responsible for your actions, your world, your bills etc. In that residue of responsibility you have been stifled, choking on what you are supposed to do, gasping for fresh air and a second chance.  .  You walk through your mind thinking about an injustice that was done to you, a fear that was given to you, and a word that cut you to the quick. You sit abreast the merry go round of these past injustices changing horses but never getting off the emotional ride. 

Imagine your world as a Hall of Mirrors. You walk slowly through the labyrinth of reflections trying to figure out why someone said this, why someone did this, why you have not found your true purpose.  The mirror effect is amplified by all those in your life.  They give to you reference points, beginnings and endings, to monitor the temperature of your learning’s.  Humanity has sat and licked their wounds not allowing that area of hurt to be healed. Continually focusing on and licking the injustices that one wears as a badge of courage.

The soul is starving for nourishment.  Humanity does not always eat from the buffet of heavenly giving’s. They often eat from earthly misgivings. Their soul is hungry, and they sense a need to fill, a need to be filled.  Some do this with food, others with sex, and others with alcohol or emotional dampening drugs. As you come into the understanding that your soul is starving for what truly gives it joy, there will be an awakening.

The neuro pathways of your brain have many cul-de-sacs and dead-ends.  When you have an insightful thought, an electrical impulse is felt in your brain.  A passion runs through your body for a moment.  Adrenaline spurts in the blood and then the passion wanes.  Sometimes it is you that aborts that passion other times it is another’s word, a sleight of heart, and a sleight of vowel that cuts you dead in your tracks. Your spirits are dampened, the passion is extinguished and you give up.  

How many times in your existence have you given up on an idea, an invention, and a love? Your brain has a file cabinet of disappointments.  You keep a second biological file of these same failures in your heart.  Everything and everyone that ever disappointed or hurt you is kept spinning around in the neural synapses of the brain.  You base all of your future experiences on these past inquisitions.  You reference the places that you have failed and the places where you were hurt.

Each of you tends to sabotage yourself.  It is this continual sabotaging that keeps you, running in circles of difficulty. The 'edge of success' is booby-trapped for humans.  At the very edge of success, there is a field of illusions where any little doubt or fear is given a life-force and becomes animated. Many times people do not want to succeed 100%.  It is comfortable in succeeding a little bit, but not succeeding in total commitment. 



Sandhya 1st October 2009 6:22 am

Dear Gillian,
It is so very true! I have been going through these sabotaging thoughts and now I realise them when I read your article. Thanks so much..Could you also tell us how to get rid of these sabotaging thoughts and live a life that we want

Thanks so much

Bright Sorcerer 1st October 2009 7:38 am

Thanks, Gillian. Some much-needed words of advice, at this time especially. Blessings, Nick

k 1st October 2009 9:00 am

I face my fear of the future and try to understand the source of that fear. I am in my third cycle of life and worry that this cycle will repeat the previous two which have not been very pleasant. I have come up with an unusual theory. The Brothers of Darkness do not test those who are in alliance with them. I have found that in the times of trial, I think that God does not love me enough to protect me from hardship. I reject God and become separated from Him. I have to make a choice, in the face of hardship, to have faith in God's love and always maintain that very important connection with Him. Thus, becoming a true warrior of light.

k 2nd October 2009 10:43 am

Also, thank you Gillian for your messages. It is a daily challenge to accept responsibility for the events in my life and not allow the negative thoughts and feelings effect what happens to me. The idea put out by many "new age" thinkers, that you attract what you are, in my opinion is a misinterpretation of some of the ancient concepts. I know many very good people who have hardship in their life and many bad people who have everything they could ever want with unlimited abundance. Seeing people as good or bad may be considered judgmental, but truth is truth. But, I understand that being good is not necessarily going to give me a good life. I read that we attract good and bad deamons based partly on our thoughts and feelings. If I become mired in despair and negativity I open myself up to the influence of bad spirits. But, I still really do believe that souls with "Mind" (Corpus Hermitica) also attract more good and bad demons as the battle between the unseen forces occurs around them and they make choices that ultimately determines the direction of their lives and their souls.

k 2nd October 2009 7:18 pm

But, then this could all be an illusion and there is no such thing as good or bad. We are all in our own shroud, our own individual veil, and until we are able to see through it we are caught in an illusion of our own making. In that case there is no need for compassion because suffering really does not exist. If the world is destroyed in 2012, it does not matter because it really does not exist to begin with and thus, really there is no need for lightworkers wanting to make a better world. So, where does that leave us? All I can figure is we have to reach to a plane not of this world, rejecting the physical "reality" because it does not exist. Try to see through our veil to the real world that is not visible to most people. The Gospel of Thomas, states that Jesus said His father's kingdom is laid out on earth before us, but most people are not able to see it.

Mailena 4th October 2009 2:56 am

The only thing we really can win is ourselves. And aren't we really really successful in that ?
There is no success in the world, that is not paid with some failure, but we can succeed in feeling joy, peace, love.

And is not the purpose of worldly success to provide us with joy, peace, love ?
So - why not feel it directly.
When you have nothing to loose, you find yourself.
And are no longer dependant in any way of outer worldly achievements.
Much Love Mailena