More on the Purpose of Relationships

My dear Friends,

I've been looking a lot at the nature of relationships lately and I'm coming to some conclusions that I had not reached as firmly in the past as I am experiencing right now. So I am going to be explore this topic again here.

Let's take a look at some of what Conversations with God has to say on this subject…

You have nothing to learn about relationships. You have only to demonstrate what you already know.

There is a way to be happy in relationships, and that is to use relationships for their intended purpose, not the purpose you have designed.

Relationships are constantly challenging; constantly calling you to create, express, and experience higher and higher aspects of yourself, grander and grander visions of yourself, ever more magnificent versions of yourself. Nowhere can you do this more immediately, impactfully, and immaculately than in relationships. In fact, without relationships, you cannot do it at all.

It is only through your relationship with other people, places, and events that you can even exist (as a knowable quantity, as an identifiable something) in the universe. Remember, absent everything else, you are not. You only are what you are relative to another thing that is not. That is how it is in the world of the relative, as opposed to the world of the absolute—where I reside.

Once you clearly understand this, once you deeply grasp it, then you intuitively bless each and every experience, all human encounter, and especially personal human relationships, for you see them as constructive, in the highest sense. You see that they can be used, must be used, are being used (whether you want them to be or not) to construct Who You Really Are.

That construction can be a magnificent creation of your own conscious design, or a strictly happenstance configuration. You can choose to be a person who has resulted simply from what has happened, or from what you’ve chosen to be and do about what has happened. It is in the latter form that creation of Self becomes conscious. It is in the second experience that Self becomes realized.

Bless, therefore, every relationship, and hold each as special, and formative of Who You Are—and now choose to be.

We are clear from this introduction to the discussion of relationships found in the first Conversations with God book that relationships themselves are vitally important to the human experience. That is why when they fall apart, there is such an extraordinary impact on our lives. On the day that I am writing this I returned to the very first Conversations with God book to find out more about this; to remind myself what information was given to me and brought through me many years ago. Here's what I found...

When human love relationships fail (relationships never truly fail, except in the strictly human sense that they did not produce what you want), they fail because they were entered into for the wrong reason.

(“Wrong,” of course, is a relative term, meaning something measured against that which is “right” —whatever that is!  It would be more accurate in your language to say “relationships fail—change—most often when they are entered into for reasons not wholly beneficial or conducive to their survival.”)

Most people enter into relationships with an eye toward what they can get out of them, rather than what they can put into them.

The purpose of a relationship is to decide what part of yourself you’d like to see “show up,” not what part of another you can capture and hold.

There can be only one purpose for relationships—and for all of life: to be and to decide Who You Really Are.

It is very romantic to say that you were “nothing” until that special other came along, but it is not true. Worse, it puts an incredible pressure on the other to be all sorts of things he or she is not.

Not wanting to “let you down,” they try very hard to be and do these things until they cannot anymore. They can no longer complete your picture of them. They can no longer fill the roles to which they have been assigned. Resentment builds. Anger follows.

Finally, in order to save themselves (and the relationship), these special others begin to reclaim their real selves, acting more in accordance with Who They Really Are. It is about this time that you say they’ve “really changed.”

It is very romantic to say that now that your special other has entered your life, you feel complete. Yet the purpose of relationship is not to have another who might complete you; but to have another with whom you might share your completeness.

Here is the paradox of all human relationships: You have no need for a particular other in order for you to experience, fully, Who You Are, and…without another, you are nothing.

This is both the mystery and the wonder, the frustration and the joy of the human experience. It requires deep understanding and total willingness to live within this paradox in a way which makes sense. I observe that very few people do.

I hope this adds to the article I published in this column a couple weeks ago, and helps with your understanding. You may wish to read Chapter 8 from Book 1 for more information on relationships.

With Love,


zorro 30th July 2016 10:32 am

The cause of failure in many relationships is an underlying "insecurity" to be in relationship with others and in relative as opposed to absolute playing field. Most want to make it absolute with assurances. But the nature of relationship works by the balance of tension within a magnetic field, where truth is able to be revealed through the individual players in a dynamic way not achievable in isolation. So whereas most reading this are having their own conversations with "God" and we are all in relationship, (eh?), why not explore this from a point of the inclusion of all, and not just from a conversation you had with God in the past?
I think the idea to explore this is brilliant, but personally speaking, can we go outside the boundaries you set in your conversations? The real conversation is in the relationships here, and not just in our personal monologues. We invite you back into the conversation here. It's a new day. I am most thankful for a real relationship experience on these pages with you, bro.

cyndy 30th July 2016 11:00 am

The purpose of relationship.
I desire relationship because my heart likes assurance, connection, bonding. My soul desires to be met, to be fully known, to be recognized and acknowledged by other souls.
We agreed or signed up to come into this 3d world where many of us transformed through relationships and/or the body. A hard way to transform through disease, pain, etc. An old way, an old paradigm. Newer is not having to transform through relationship or the body. There are options to transform more directly.

cyndy 30th July 2016 11:08 am

Reflections on love and resonance: We are moving from the phase of fusion, that of bringing more and more of our own Spirit into an integrated embodiment within matter, to synchronous resonance within the earth and the new dimension. Since then the sense of vibrational resonance has been increasing in the body , I have become more aware of resonance and dissonance within energy fields and relationships. This shift was influencing my tendency to be led by my heart’s capacity to love, overlook, and forgive even if there has been a shift in resonance or even long term dissonance in relationship. Resonance and Love are very different and one cannot overrule the other.
Love can and does exist without resonance. I can love someone unconditionally without feeling resonance with them. However resonance creates experiences of mutuality with respect for authentic individuality, and can lead to and greatly enhance love. Even though resonance is different than Love, I sense that where there is resonance there is also the Living Love of the new dimension…-Michele Mayama

cyndy 30th July 2016 11:09 am

…but it feels very different than the unconditional love I know and trust. I sense we are evolving into a deeper and more intimate organic resonance within our bodies and our lives, and that is the first step. Resonance seems to be essential to experience the synchronous waves within Life that will be coming through the Earth in the future. --Michele Mayama

zorro 30th July 2016 12:38 pm

Yes, everyone. The beauty in relationships is the layers of consciousness that come into play, beyond extracting of gratification out of the interaction to make one feel whole.
It is the mystery and appreciation for the way life truly unfolds with a resonance within the given dynamic and creative tension. Balance can be maintained if their is some flux to the expectations and interaction. The minute we think we are getting some satisfaction out of it we find ourselves singing. "I can't get no, satisfaction ". There is nothing to extract, as Neil said. It is about what we are each putting in.

cyndy 30th July 2016 1:14 pm

I am not sure of what the definition of "putting in" is. As to my definition of "putting in",it was what I did/do in 3d relationships.
As I am more conscious/aware, embodied and interact with another/others who are more conscious/aware embodied I am just being. The other(s) are just being and my/their" beingness" is in "is"ness. Instead of 2 halves coming together , this is two wholes coming together (partnering) or instead of parts coming together (groups) it is wholes coming together that enhance experience and enjoy shared mutuality. This in the new will be rather synchronous as we vibrate more and more of who we are. Synchronous waves will be the bringing together of people who love AND resonate. We are beginnings to hook up to sustainability and then synchronous waves.
So, from my definition of "putting in" . No more for me. Just mutual exchange. (no more give and take) My "Beingness." and their Beingness. Enhanced experience . Shared mutuality.
AND this is just a small part of it. Like one grain of sand on the beach.
ok over and out Out into the world now.

zorro 30th July 2016 1:54 pm

The "putting in" is more about pouring ourselves into the interaction as different from having expectations of a role someone has to play in order for us to feel we are "getting something out of" the relationship. Expressing ourselves into the relationship with some flux.

cyndy 30th July 2016 4:22 pm

Lesson I learned from my dog. WAG more BARK less.

Toni 3rd August 2016 7:23 pm

The higher one’s vibrational frequency the less people there are to resonate with.

Two people coming together in resonance creates a greater love for both parties than any one party could have achieved alone.

Resonance is born of the mind to evolve mind frequency in synchronicity with heart and love.

Basically it's only ourselves we're loving or not loving within the mirror of relationships anyway. :)

Toni 2nd December 2016 9:13 pm

This is an old one Nikos I had to regroup. Yes we do have relationships with the inanimate (our car as an example) as well as the animate (pets and people). The inanimate is our relationship with the sentience or essence of Earth.

“Maybe the trick is not to exhaust a relationship.” ? This would mean that every relationship only has a certain amount of energy. My thought also at some point on my journey. Now I think it depends on the relationship. Yes if the relationship is a limited one where there is nothing else to integrate or learn except the fear side of the flip with control/jealousy, blame/shame and needy/greedy. That energy creates exhaustion admittedly.

No if it’s a relationship where both parties evolve together as this creates new energy of perpetual passion on the love side of the flip with freedom/passion, truth/respect and well being/abundance. I haven’t exactly grounded this kind of relationship personally, not to the speed I desire anyway, so til then itza theory. I’m too exhausted to ever want the needy fear type relationship again though.


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Neale Donald Walsch

Neale Donald Walsch is a modern day spiritual messenger whose words continue to touch the world in profound ways. With an early interest in religion and a deeply felt connection to spirituality, Neale spent the majority of his life thriving professionally, yet searching for spiritual meaning before beginning his now famous conversation with God.


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