Should I leave or stay?

Everywhere I go I get many, many questions-and of all the questions I get, many, many of them have to do with human relationships. And the one question I get about relationships very often is this one, contained in a heartfelt letter that I received from a woman I shall name Sanra - a name I made up to protect this lady's privacy.

Here's her question...

Should I leave my spouse?

Right now I am struggling in my marriage. I am always looking for change for the better and keeping faith and hope in the terrible times I am in right now, but how can one keep going when you have a family member constantly not helping to look on the positive side and always living in the negative illusions?

I bring in new ideas with faith and hope to change the energy in the space, but I get caught up in the negativity of my husband and I am losing my faith and what little bit of hope I have in me. It's a constant battle in this area.

I know that one solution is to move out, but what do you do when your children won't understand that getting out is the better way? Ironically, my mother is in this same situation, where she feels she can't leave one person because he got her stuck in this illusion as well.

How can I fix this and move in a new and positive direction the way God wants? It's amazing how one negative person whose fear of change and fear of the positive can get everyone stuck up into their illusion.

I hope you can answer and give me some insight here. God bless you.

Love, Sanra

Dear Sanra...I know and understand the difficulty you are having, and the challenging circumstances which have created it. First, you must know that it is not always necessary to change your location (that is, "move out") in order to change your environment. Your environment, Sanra, is an internal experience, not an external reality.

The first step here could be to move into gratitude. I know that this sounds almost absurd, and yet it is an extraordinarily empowering tool.

Allowing ourselves to speak our gratitude to God and to the Universe for every aspect of the situation at hand-and to feel that gratitude inside as a genuine experience-often moves us into an unexpected space of peace and clarity, for gratitude opens us to the truth of what is happening: that we are being given an opportunity, perfectly designed by God and by our own inner self, to express who we really are and what we really want next.

It is this expression for which we came to Earth, Sanra. It is what we are doing here. We came here to know our grandest selves in our own experience. This is both our highest desire and our greatest joy. Therefore, we open to our most wonderful inner experience when we see in our exterior circumstances the perfect building blocks for our next greatest expression of ourselves. Or, as my wonderful friend Barbara Marx Hubbard puts it, "all calamities are evolutionary drivers." They are necessary to move us forward on our own evolutionary track.

Yet there is, Sanra, a central question within the human experience that we all ask ourselves at one point or another in our lives: Is it okay for me to be happy? And the answer is, yes.

What we do not have a right to do is to be dishonest or cruel, for dishonesty damages the psychological underpinnings of every human, and cruelty injures the physical and mental being. Therefore, in all things be both true and kind. Speak your truth, but sooth your words with peace and kindness.

If your truth is that you cannot be happy in your present circumstance, you have a right to tell your truth about that-and then to change your circumstance if you wish. If you fail to do so only because you do not wish to betray others, you only betray yourself. CwG says, "Betrayal of yourself in order not to betray another is betrayal nonetheless. It is the highest betrayal."

Try your very hardest not to betray yourself, Sanra. And try your very hardest not to betray others. You betray others even if you remain with them if in doing so you are living a lie.

Yet whatever you choose, do so with great love. Bless those who helped you come to this new awareness of yourself; honor those who have gifted you with this moment, exactly as it is. For there are no villains and no victims in this world-yet only masters know this.

Find community, Sanra. Create a spiritually supportive community in the place where you live. Start a CwG Discussion Group. Become a Spiritual Life Coach to others who have lost their way. What you wish to experience within yourself, give to another.

Pray each day, Sanra, but pray a prayer of gratitude, not a prayer of supplication:

"Thank you, God, for bringing me the right and perfect conditions, circumstances, and situations within which I may create, notice, and experience my Self in the next grandest version of Who I Am. Thank you for the insight, the strength, and the courage to do that. Thank you for this Life, which is sacred and bountiful in every way that my heart will allow. And thank you for all those who touch my life in any way, for I know that you have sent me nothing but angels."

Go, now, Sanra, and set off on your journey of self-renewal and rebirth, gliding into your brightest future on the wings of a new tomorrow created with love by an ever-embracing God.

In soft understanding...and with...

Love and Hugs,


dailyspiritualtools 26th July 2010 12:39 pm

I think the most profound part of this response is that changing your environment is an internal not external event. Happiness is not caused by something on the outside. It is an expression of our reaction to people and/or events. Glad I discovered this blog. Namaste, Sherry

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Neale Donald Walsch

Neale Donald Walsch is a modern day spiritual messenger whose words continue to touch the world in profound ways. With an early interest in religion and a deeply felt connection to spirituality, Neale spent the majority of his life thriving professionally, yet searching for spiritual meaning before beginning his now famous conversation with God.


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