Your power is in the shadow. Does that sound weird?
Have you heard the saying, "I was shamed into it." What does that mean? In order to avoid feeling shame, the person does something that they don't really want to do. Think about how many times you have done something, or not done something, or acted a certain way because if you did what you really wanted to do, someone would get mad at you or “make you feel bad".
For the purposes of this discussion "shadow" just means shadow emotions. They include hopelessness, helplessness, anger, fear, shame, guilt and powerlessness. Most people have well of stored or suppressed shadow emotions.
Your system wants your “well” to be empty and will work to find ways to achieve that goal. When a situation occurs that triggers one of these emotions, then your stored emotions are brought up to be cleared. So you will continue to create situations that “cause” you to feel the suppressed emotions. It is the unwillingness to experience these emotions, and so the continued suppression of them that keeps you stuck. As long as these emotions are stuck in your systems, you will continue to experience situations that trigger them.
If you are comfortable with and have no judgement about these shadow emotions then they can’t control you. It is just as simple (though perhaps not easy) as this. Your un-experienced emotions, and the stories and situations that go with them vanish with the willingness to experience the emotions. The secret is in just having the emotions. Remember, if you don't run your emotions, they will run you. The more comfortable you are with the process, the faster the emotions are cleared. Eventually, it is almost instant.
Perhaps you’ve heard that 60 – 90 percent of what is expressed when we talk is from non-verbal communication. We get meaning from the body language and the underlying emotions. It is imperative as good communicators that we learn to read the emotions of others and to recognize them in ourselves. The first step is to recognize when emotion is present.
Imagine a gauge like a gas gauge. Zero is empty and ten is full. Have this gauge register the level of emotion you are running. Ask your system, “What is the level of emotion?” and “look at” your gauge. Your gauge will also register when someone else is having emotion. We are much more psychic then we know and emotions are "passed" from person to person constantly. So the next question is, “Is this mine?” This simple tool is amazing affective. If you know that the emotion is not yours then you don’t have to be affected by it. The caveat is that if you are uncomfortable with that emotion (you have suppressed your own experiences) then it will trigger you.
The next question to ask is, “What is the emotion?” It works best to use the basic terms for the emotions. See the list below.
The way you language about emotions is important. Instead of saying, “I am afraid”, say, “I am having fear” or “ I perceive fear.” As I said before, you are picking up on other people’s emotions all the time. When you say, “I am afraid” you are making it yours! It is also important to remember that you are NOT an emotion. You might be having it temporarily but it is not you. You are a Grand Creator Being experiencing the emotions inherent in the Earth Game.
The ways that shadow emotions are used can be very subtle. Read the following example and see if you can feel and name the emotions.
The husband works as an employee. The wife is a full-time mom and part time artist. He calls her at home while she is working on a painting.
Husband: "I need you to pick up touch-up paint for my car today so I can work on it tonight. I already ordered it, so all you have to do is drive over to Berkeley and pick it up."
Wife: "It is not a good day for me to do this, I'm painting."
H: "It won't take that long, it's just across the bridge and back."
W: "It's about 45 minutes each way and by the time I get back, it will be time to pick up the kids. I won't be able to paint."
H: "Come on, you have the whole day free while I have to work all day. And you have to go out anyway to get the kids!"
W: "How about tomorrow?"
H: “I gave up my whole Saturday last month, watching the kids so you could go to that workshop. Why can't you do this one thing for me."
If you recognized shame and anger you are right.
If the wife is not comfortable with the shadow emotions and judges them as "bad", then she is going to do what he asked, and probably feel resentful about it.
If she doesn't have any unexpressed shame or anger in her system then it is easier for her to not get hooked. Then there are a variety of ways that she could respond, depending on the level of communication she shares with her husband. She could say;
"Sorry, It doesn't just work for me today." Period
"I get that this is important to you. My painting is important to me, and that's what I want to do this afternoon. I will consider picking up your car paint tomorrow, though."
"I didn't realize that we made a deal that in return for watching the kids on Saturday that I would run your errands whenever you wish." Which calls him on his manipulation, and in some relationships this is as deep as people can get. These would be appropriate responses in many of your relationships, such as with co-workers, other parents, casual friends, etc. These responses work to set boundaries but they don't address the underlying emotions. They don't allow space for the feelings without judgment.
The way to address the feelings would be if she were to say something like, "Are you having some shame and anger today, because that’s what I experiencing from you?" This can open up communication. Warning, if something like this is said sarcastically, or with judgment then the energy of the words will be felt and true emotional honesty is lost. Perhaps the husband's boss passed those emotions to him, pressuring him to get something done. If she mirrors him on his experience at work, then he will probably realize that he was being manipulative and passing shame. At the end of this experience, the couple can feel closer together.
The important thing is that the wife never let the emotions control her. Not because she suppresses or ignores them, but because she experiences them without judgment.
This is why I say that your power is in your shadow. How would your life be different if you never worried about being embarrassed (shame) or guilty? Or having someone feel angry toward you? What if no one could “make you feel bad”? Wouldn’t it be great if you could quickly and easily run an emotion like fear and be done with it?
Get in the habit of being conscious of emotions. Check your gauge, get the emotion and find out if it is yours. With practice this becomes automatic and instant. If what you perceive is not yours, breathe and let it flow through. You can also thank your system for being so amazingly psychic! When the emotion is yours, get into the practice of experiencing it rather than suppressing it. Say, “Yippee, here it comes, up for clearing!” Pound a pillow, or scream into it. Make the sounds, breathe, move your body and let it out. If this is new to you, I highly suggest that you get some support. You are going to have to go through this, one way or another, to retrieve your lost parts and become whole again. This is part of the Ascension Process.
It’s safe to have it, really.