So out of the blue a guy I had dated six months ago calls me yesterday to tell me how sorry he was for treating me poorly while we were seeing each other. Seems like a nice gesture, right? He goes on to say that now that he’s dating someone else and treats her so much better which made him realize how he could have done much better by me. He wasn’t sure why he behaved so badly toward me since he had really liked me and thought I was such a nice and wonderful person. It felt like a punch in the gut. Why didn’t he feel obliged at the time to treat me good if he had liked me so much?!
My ego said the problem is you’re just too nice! For now on don’t be so open! Once I got past that emotion my higher self said perhaps I don’t need to be so overly accommodating. My inner child craves attention and will accept whatever tidbits she gets. I didn’t grow up with my father and I have the typical “daddy issues” The fear of rejection, fear of abandonment and the tendency to attract men who are emotionally or physically unavailable, who undoubtedly live up to my self fulfilling prophecy! A perplexing cycle that I don’t care to repeat! I have worked diligently on releasing this pattern. I felt that phone call was a message from the Universe.
When I didn’t like the way this guy was treating me I got out of the relationship. We were only dating for a few months so I didn’t let it go on for too long. I know for next time to raise my standards even higher. Experiencing self love and having self worth is a daily conscious practice. I’ve healed many dysfunctional family dynamics. There are many areas in my life that I am so grateful for, that are fulfilling and rich. Yet, there is this gaping, unhealed wound that I have to let go of and heal within myself.
In this lifetime I have not had the opportunity of experiencing a loving relationship with a man that treated me with love, respect and adoration. It’s something I have been praying for and affirming I will attract. My dream is to be in a loving romantic relationship with a man that is kind and considerate. Someone I can trust and count on.
I am not going to stop being a nice and open person. That’s what makes me who I am. I enjoy nurturing and showing love to the people I care about. What I do realize is that I do not need to go overboard and be overly accommodating to the point of it not being reciprocal in nature or ignores my own needs. There is a part of me, that wounded inner child, who wants to prove to others that I am worthy and loveable. I go out of my way to win love and approval. I shouldn’t have to work that hard to show my good qualities! They are very evident… as my healthy, rational self can to attest to!
When I am feeling confident and in my divinity I know that I am all that and a bag of chips! Yet, when I am feeling needy of love and attention, the part of me that has unmet needs, allows the ego self to take over and she is hell bent on a quest to prove that she is loveable by bending over backwards and trying too hard to please. I avoid expressing my needs or speaking up until I am overly upset when I don’t like what someone is doing (or not doing!) rather than speaking up and not caring whether I’m rejected or not to get my needs met and be heard.
The message from the Universe came through loud and clear. I reaffirm that I am worthy of love, adoration, and respect. The energies we are in are intense. It’s time to lay claim to our divinity and squash out any lower vibrating aspects of ourselves that may remain. I have worked hard on myself for many years, as many of us on the spiritual path have done. As one layer comes up for healing, thus there is another that needs tending to. We are entering a profound period where we must be operating from our divinity in order to hold the energy so those who are still battling with their egos can awaken through the major earth shifts and changes that are occurring and finally embrace their divinity. We must be the change we want to see!
It is time to completely let go of old patterns, negative thoughts, and lower vibrating energies that hold us down and hold us back. All the shackles, all the cobwebs, and all the old ways must once and for all be purged. We must know who we really are. We must hold the highest vibrations of self love, self confidence, and self esteem. Our guides and guardians are cheering us on as we anchor in this new energy and really own it, and lay claim to our magnificence.
We are always asking for signs on our path and they sometimes come in unexpected ways. They have a tendency to grab hold of us and shake us awake (into mindfulness). What we choose to do with the messages we receive are up to us. Do we ignore the phone call or use it as a wake up call?
There was a time in my life that I undervalued my worth. I didn’t have confidence in myself and therefore I allowed others to treat me with disrespect. I didn’t know any better. Through the years I have learned to set higher standards for myself. I have grown to love and respect myself. Please show me how to stay in my divine power at all times and never give it away to others.
For all the growth I have achieved there are still times when my wounded inner child sabotages my best efforts. Shine your golden light on the places and spaces within me that need healing and fill me with the gentle rays of love and peace.
And so it is.